I have been a self-loather for as long as I can remember. I believed that not liking yourself was the “right” way to be. That a healthy amount of shame and self-loathing was actually good to help you stay grounded, humble and “in check.”
I was wrong.
I have served myself heaping spoonfuls of pain over my lifetime as I have blamed, shamed, rejected and talked negatively to myself (often on a daily basis). It has not helped me show up the way I want to as an individual, friend, mother or spouse.
Think about how you speak to one of your friends. When she is at the end of her rope and yells at her kids, do you tell her she is a rotten mother? If she doesn’t fit her clothes anymore, do you tell her she looks gross? When she makes a mistake, do you remind her about it over and over and over again? Probably not. That would be a lousy way to show up for your friend. Speaking kindly to yourself, the same way you would speak to a friend is your job, because your friendship with yourself is the most important friendship you will ever have.
We often look to those around us to be the kind voice we won’t offer ourselves. When we NEED our friends, spouse, parents, etc. to swoop in and say the kind and compassionate things we refuse to say to ourselves, we are neglecting our responsibility to take care of ourselves emotionally. Instead, we are giving that responsibility to someone else because we refuse to do the sometimes-hard work of loving ourselves. It’s unfair…to them and us.
I never thought it mattered if I liked myself, and now I know that it is ALL that matters. I am a better mother, friend, wife, Coach and human being when I choose to like and love myself.
Byron Katie says, “You don’t have to Like Me. That’s my job.” I love that.
If more humans in the world made it their own job to like themselves and stopped waiting for someone else to be in charge of liking them, the world would change in a powerful way. There would be less pressure in relationships, more love, and so much relief (for everyone).
Try it. Just BE someone who likes herself. It not easy, but it IS amazing!