“That is Cancer.”
“Of course, it is.” Was my thought. I could see exactly what the doctor was looking at on the monitor. I was calm, almost laughing. The moment was so surreal.
A few months earlier I had gone to see the doctor to deal with an unexplained flare in my chronic pain that had become unbearable. It was one strange test and result after another. One misdiagnosis and referral after another. I was not dealing with it well. I was upset. And during that time my mind and emotions were in constant battle with my medical reality, and needs. I kept saying to myself (and everyone else), “It could be worse,” and then, in an instant, it was.
After the doctor talked to me briefly, I was left alone in the exam room. I sat there and thought about what I had just been told. I thought about my children and my husband (who was 4 hours away). I began to feel something. Panic. Then over the sound system, with movie like timing, “LET IT BE” by Paul McCartney began to play.
“When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, LET IT BE
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, LET IT BE”
I was stopped dead in my emotional tracks. “Ok,” I said (to no one but myself). I took a deep breath and got ready to go talk to the doctor about then next steps.
We sometimes work so hard to create a life that is pain free for ourselves and those we love. We work, and fight and fix (and try to fix some more) to change the reality of what is in front of us. In my case, it was the unknown.
“…there will be an answer, LET IT BE.”
I am not saying we should just ignore our lives and not be active in their creation or improvement. I am however, suggesting it will be hard to see possible solutions to your problems when you are holding on with white knuckles to what you want, instead of letting it BE what is.
A child with disease or illness, a hard move, a breakdown, an unexpected job change, feelings of failure, a marriage that is suffering. “Let it BE.” Then, take a slow deep breath and remember, “…there will be an answer.” Especially if you can allow yourself enough emotional space to see it.
I found great peace from that song following that doctor’s appointment, the surgery and (I was very lucky) benign biopsy result. It didn’t make it an easy process, but it has taught me a valuable lesson that I am still learning to implement in my life – sometimes the best answer is to just “Let It BE” for now.
