Are you a people pleaser?
If so, I want you think for a moment about why you are. Have you ever stopped to think about it? What motivates someone, perhaps you even, to be a people pleaser?
When we “people please” we are doing things we think the other person wants us to do, in order to make them to like us. It isn’t authentic. It isn’t honest. It is manipulative.
Now, if you are a people pleaser, you are probably saying “I don’t want to make people like me, I just want to help out or be kind” (I know you are saying this, because that is exactly what I used to think I when I was people pleasing), but think about it – when you are people pleasing, what is the true motivation?
I used to please people a lot because I didn’t want others to judge me, dislike me or criticize me. I was afraid. I looked to others to let me know if I was good enough or acceptable. If I just did what they wanted, expected or what would make their lives easier, then they would approve of me and think great things about me. It is embarrassing for me to admit it, but their approval meant I could approve of me too. Not true.
Instead of living in the “lies of people pleasing,” do kind things for other people when you honestly want to. When doing it is a reflection of the truth inside you. Make sure YOU like the reason you are doing it.
You can be honest with other people about what you want to do and not do. It may surprise them at first, but they will thank you for it. They will know they can trust you.
You can say yes and no from a place of love, and allow people the privilege of choosing to think what they want to about you. It will be easier for them because they will actually know what you think and who you are.
BE honest and BE yourself. That will be the most pleasing way for you to live.