The Problem with Blame

When we blame someone, we are assigning responsibility to someone else.

We are delegating power over our feelings to that person. Usually it is not someone we want to give that kind of power to, but we do.

Blame is so disempowering. It feels good in the moment because then the responsibility to manage our thoughts and feelings is no longer our work to do…but other people are not great at making us feel good. They are too worried about themselves (rightfully so) to be responsible for us in that way.

When we blame, we are playing a victim role. We are then suffering from the feelings we think have been created for us by the “villain.” If they caused it, now they are the only ones who can make it better.

Uh oh. What if they don’t want to make it better for you? Then what?

You see, the problem is, we believe that they had the power to cause us pain, so we think theyare the only ones who have the power to give us relief. The truth is, no one can cause us pain. It is our thoughts about what they did that are causing us pain and we increased the net pain we are experiencing by delegating the blame for our feelings on them, and disempowering ourselves in the process.  

The good news is, you are the only one responsible for how you feel, so you have the ability to create your own relief. You don’t need them to do that for you anymore. Which is good, because they can’t.

That person you are blaming? You can stop now. Go out and put the responsibility for your happiness into someone else’s hands who wants the best for you. That would be you, my friend.  


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